Investing in friends is worth the travel

“How far would you have to drive to come for dinner?” asked my friend K.

“100 miles,” I said.

She gasped, “That’s too far.”

I laughed. When you live in the western part of the U.S., driving 100 miles for dinner is not that crazy of an idea.

And to invest in time with a dear friend was a worthy effort to make.

 

Investing in friends

I believe that investing in friends or what I call your social 401k is important. One of the tenets of aging well is maintaining an meaningful social circle.

As an only child, who lives solo and childfree, and thrives as an introvert in healthcare and thought leadership, I want to hold the important friendships in my life closely.

Investing in friends is an active investment, requiring intentional effort and energy. And it’s a pleasure.

When my friend from Sweden comes to work in Seattle, I take a flight over to Seattle to have dinner.

When I travel to the Palm Springs area of California to visit my parents in the winter, my closest friend and mentor always drives an hour and a half from her home to visit.

My best friends from dental school and I make a deliberate effort to invest in our friendship by attending a conference together once a year.

 

When my wonderful friend K, who lives in Chicago, mentioned to me that she would be coming to my part of the world to enjoy a river cruise on the Snake and Columbia Rivers, I knew that this was an opportunity to invest in our friendship that I didn’t want to miss.

K and I worked in a professional organization together right before she retired. We had a lot of fun and developed a friendship through the journey. She taught me a lot about meeting planning, leadership, and life.

Much as we Americans don’t like to talk about aging and mortality, I had to acknowledge that due to age and health, every chance to visit with K is a precious gift.

So we began to formulate a plan to meet for dinner the evening before they would be boarding the river cruise in Clarkston, WA, meaning I would drive 200 miles round trip to have dinner with my friend.

Friends, travel, and flexibility

Besides effort, investing in your friendships through travel also requires flexibility and compassion.

Since we are all busy and aging, our energy doesn’t hold up and so we tend to sacrifice our friendships for lesser priorities.

Often, the plans for a rendezvous need to be fluid. Family or health complications come up. Plans must be adjusted. If the meet-up doesn’t work out, we should not have our feelings hurt.

Recently, another friend who lives across the country was visiting some family. We discussed the possibility of meeting up with would require one or both of us driving several hours each way.

Due to the needs of her family and the demands on my energy at the time, we agreed not to squeeze in a visit.  While both of us felt disappointed, we had considered it and were compassionate to each other’s needs.

In the spirit of this same flexibility, I knew the flights could be draining on my friend K and her husband coming from Chicago and landing in a small town late at night.

I told her I was willing to make the drive for dinner, but I wanted to make sure that she felt equally up for the visit. We agreed to a check-in phone call the morning after her arrival.

The next morning, we chatted on the phone and all the lights were green.

 

A road trip for a friend

As I steered Giulia into the late afternoon autumn light, I marveled at the opportunity to enjoy a beautiful drive to invest time with my friend.

When I approached the edge of Clarkston, I pulled into a marina on the river to capture a few photos of the sunset. On the sidewalk is drawn a historical account of the exploration of Lewis and Clark along the great rivers.

I laughed at the one that said, “Map of Portage, miserable trip, many days.”

Often on our travels through life and relationships, there are miserable experiences along the way. This is part of what shapes us and is vital to creating meaning. When we endure, it shows that we care.

 

We strolled along the river to dinner at Roosters, which was good for many laughs in our happy group.

We reveled in being in person together. And after reading many blog posts,  K even enjoyed a short ride in Giulia.

After a few last hugs, I turned Giulia toward home for the 100-mile drive back through the dark countryside. My clammy hands gripped the wheel tightly and my eyes darted back and forth watching for the inevitable roadside wildlife.

I arrived home just before midnight having seen a coyote, a herd of deer, one close encounter with a deer, and three sheriffs. Whew!

The effort paid off. My heart felt full.

While we hope for more opportunities in the future, K and I were both grateful that we could enjoy the evening together. Investing in friends is worth the travel.